I found the following wonderful story on the Blond & Blithe blog. It is a beautiful, happy, sad story on girlfriends. Thanks Emily for writing it and for granting me permission to feature it here. Check out her blog for more fun, feminine stories and take a lesson from Emily to cherish your time with girlfriends!
Mr. Big to Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte: "You're the loves of her life and a guy's just lucky to come in fourth."
Big, of course, understood, (even if it was ficticious), that a woman's friends are everything to her, especially as we get older and more independent. Sometimes, in some ways, more important than our love relationships with our men. We turn to our friends when things go wrong with our love relationships, our jobs or with other friends. Our girlfriends are our confidants. Only a few friends of mine know EVERYTHING about me-secrets that I would faint over it they became public knowledge-Things I couldn't hold in-but just had to get out. My truest friends are like living, breathing vaults. What I tell them gets stored safely and kept from being revealed. At my age, when I get stressed about things, and just can't take them anymore, calling my mother is not what I prefer. Instead, I think about unloading on my girlfriends because I know they will always listen and won't be parental. We encourage each other to talk, divulge, and lend our shoulders to cry on and in some way, we kind of enjoy it. We are each other's therapist. I love my friends deeply and with all my heart. They know who they are. I look forward to being with them as much as I can, and treat my monthly gatherings like religious events-they're not to be missed. Because being with the girls is important in keeping a woman's soul content. It's necessary for the health of my mind and my well being. Without them I'd be forever lost.
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My mom called me in the middle of the day last Wednesday with a pleading tone in her voice. "Would you please pick me up today and take me to the hospital to see Dorothy-she's taken a turn for the worse, and they don't think she'll make it through the night." Dorothy is my mom's friend of 30 years and she is dying of lung cancer. I knew my mom had no way to get to the hospital on her own, because she has a difficult time seeing when she drives. I had so much to do that day-a doll to make for a Mother's Day order and I was dug in and on a roll and I didn't want to leave because I had a strong desire to finish and get it mailed out. But, more than wanting to finish that doll, I had a knawing feeling that I was the only way my mom would get to see Dorothy while she was still alive and I didn't want to be the reason why she was denied that right, particuliarly since I was basically available and able to do it. I knew this was important to her, so I agreed to take her to the hospital.
While in the car travelling to the hospital, my mom reflected on her years of friendship with Dorothy and, through tears, told me Dorothy is her only girlfriend and she will be so lost without her. My mom is going to be 80 in November and Dorothy just turned 71. My mom kept saying, "I never thought I'd be seeing this day-I thought she would be burying me. Why does God take the good ones?" I really didn't know what to say, so instead, I just lent an ear to her painful memories.
We got to the hospital and didn't know what to expect, because she hadn't seen Dorothy since before she got diagnosed with cancer just before Easter. With trepidation, we entered the room and saw Dorothy lying in the bed, asleep with her mouth wide open and drawn in, and she was beginning the shallow type of breathing called 'chain stoking, which is characteristic of impending death. I recognized it from going through this when my mother-in-law was dying of cancer. They can hear you, all you have to do is go up to them and say their name and they open their eyes for a few seconds and acknowledge you then go back into what seems a semi-coma.
The tears came quickly for my poor mom. She absolutely hated seeing her best friend lying there helpless and ready to die. She just kept saying, "What am I going to do without her? She's my only girlfriend." It tore my heart out listening to her. I imagined the future and being in her shoes. What if it was one of my precious girlfriends lying there dying? I would be absolutely besides myself with grief. My friends are so important to me-now more than ever in my life, I have needed them like a daily dose of vitamins. What is my mom going to do?
I urged her to go by Dorothy's side and talk to her-to let her know she's there and that she should tell her the things she wants her to know before she passes. This was her only chance. She stood there, stunned, tears running down her wrinkled cheeks. All she could do was gently and lovingly rub her friend's arm from elbow to wrist, incapable of saying a word. "Mom," I encourged, "Talk to her. She can hear you."
"Dorothy...it's Ann. I'm here. I love you." Dorothy very briefly awoke, nodded her head and told her, very weakly that she loved her, too. Oh, my God, it was so sad. Tears welled up in my eyes and it was all I could do to keep from crying, but I had to be strong for my mom.
We sat there for a few hours and watched her rest. I sat at the foot of her bed and watched Dorothy's chest rise and fall, and I could see her heart beating through her hospital gown. Her poor heart was working as hard as it could, but soon, very soon, it would beat it's last. Her breaths were distant and long, and I found myself breathing in time with her. I felt short of breath because her breathing rhythm wasn't enough for me to sustain myself comfortably. I imagined if that's what dying felt like. (Trust me. In a quiet room with a dying person, there's not much to do and your imagination can run away with you.) Each breath was followed by the next in what seemed like an eternity. She appeared to be gasping for air because she was only breathing with one lung-the other was full of cancer and wasn't functioning. As she lay there, I got fearful, and kept thinking she was going to die right in front of me. I watched her and thoughts flooded my mind of when she was healthy-she was so funny, and full of life. She and my mom were both career waitresses. Dorothy had just quit working less than a year ago. These women both worked hard their entire lives and had a real commonality. They understood eachother. They confided in eachother, cried together, and shared laughter and joys. It was all about to come to an end.
The nurse came in and asked Dorothy if she wanted her to call her daughter from Pennsylvania, and she slowly nodded her head yes, and said very stongly, "I love her!" I won't ever forget that. I plan on telling her daughter Dianna what she said. I know it will make her feel good.
My mom called me yesterday and told me Dorothy passed at 7am while her priest was praying over her. She died peacefully and with God. Now my mom is friendless and my heart truly aches for her. What is she to do? She's almost 80, and it's probably too late for her to make new friends, at least the the kind with deep bonds of trust that's shared between two women that only comes after a long time of sharing and caring. After 45 years of life together, my mom and I have the same elements of a friendship, hewn from decades of familiarity, and weathering difficult stages of life together, finally popping to the surface in one piece and still loving eachother. We see each other as equals now. I'm still 'the kid' but in some ways, my mom is now seeing me as a confidant - a friend. I find myself turning to her at times of stress. I love her. I enjoy her company. It's time for me to step up to the plate and take her under my wing. My mother needs a friend now and that friend is me.
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Emily - thanks so much for sharing this story with Girlfriendology and for your beautiful, wonderful blog. For your gracious sharing of this story and for the example of friendship that you set, thank you. Your mom, me, you ... we all need girlfriends.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Mr. Big, Mom's Girlfriend and Female Friendship
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Great Girlfriend Story from my girlfriend Jill ...
It is Spring here in the mid-west and this morning was a perfect time to get together with friends for a puppy play date. (A perfectly muddy play date but still very fun!) My girlfriend Jill told me a great girlfriend story that I just had to share with you - in her words. So, everyone one ... Meet Jill! She's a blast and obviously a very loved girlfriend! Jill - thanks for sharing!
Which girlfriend should you celebrate with a "____ (her name) Day"?! Celebrate your girlfriends!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentine's Day Girlfriends!
Wearing my only red sweater, I went to work today. I bought chocolates to leave at everyone's desk before they arrived and cookies for a treat later in the day. (The checkout cashier at the grocery this morning asked me who I was planning to "suck up to"!) Really, no one. I just love Valentine's Day.
February 14th is the perfect day to celebrate friendships. The hearts and flowers just remind me of caring for people, like we need/love to do when it comes to girlfriends (or why else would you be reading this?!). The cards and emails connect me with friends near and far who, like me, are just glad we're 'doing life' together and are friends in this big old world.
I'm thankful for this day to stop and think about LOVE and my friends who mean so much to me. To Bridget and Cath, who sent cards, you're so sweet! To Carole, Becky, Tina, Kate and Cyndee who emailed Valentine's wishes - it brightened my day. To all the women who inspire me and love me for who I am, I am forever thankful. Thanks for blessing me with your thoughtfulness and friendship!
Like what 'they' say about Christmas should be everyday, I'd put Valentine's Day right up there too. Thanks girlfriends for your love and friendship. Show your friends, tell your friends you love them. Happy Valentine's!
p.s. Listen in to Dr. Karen Gail Lewis in the latest podcast as she shares great advice and insight about Valentine's Day and female friendship!
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Hello from Paris!
Hi Girlfriends! Bonjour from PARIS! (Not KY!) Can I just tell you that even in this wild country, all I really want is my girlfriends to hang out with?! Tonight I snuck away from my coworkers and just went to the Eiffel Tower on my own and it was wonderful! (Aside from wishing you all were there!) Funny how being in a distant place will make you miss those people who are closest to your heart. (Like you girlfriends!) Nothing like being in a foreign country to make you appreciate those who you feel closest to!
So, BONJOUR my Amis! (Hello by Friends! - Actually check out our new products on Cafepress for a French/Friend design!) Can I just tell you how much I miss my girlfriends?! Cath, Becky, Deana, Terri, Paula, Tina, Judy, Bridget, Anne, etc. - I miss you and wish you were here!
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Vote for favorite Girlfriend Story (from Dec. Girlfriendology Contest)
Sure the primaries are starting, but we'll have a whole year of election news. So, here's your opportunity to VOTE for the best Girlfriendology Contest Submission for December! The request was to write in your best girlfriend story. And, for the first time, YOU are invited to vote for the best story!
The top five prize winners will each receive a Starbucks gift card and, the top overall winner will also receive a Girlfriendology Journal. (In addition, in December we had the "Great Girlfriend Gift Giveaway" so 31 books/prizes were given away to 31 women who submitted stories!)
Drum roll please! Please vote on the COMMENTS button below or send an email to ideas@girlfriendology.com. Here are the top 10 entries:
(1) When we moved to our new house we didn’t know anyone in the city. Fortunately we found a house by a very nice woman who made me feel right at home. Janet would bring over food, invite me to dinners with her girlfriends, pick up our mail when we were on vacation, etc. It really made me love the neighborhood because I had such a great friend and neighbor.
(2) I moved a lot growing up and each time was more difficult as I got older and needed girlfriends nearby. When I had to move my senior year of high school to another state, my friend Rachel stayed in touch with me with phone calls and letters. She kept me up to date on all my other friends, what I was missing, what she was up to. I know it was a simple thing but it meant the world to me – that she valued my friendship and that she genuinely missed me. She was a good example of friendship to me.
(3) I am so thankful for my friends because they are so thoughtful. I have started Weight Watchers and they are so very supportive of me. They are always asking how things are going, how much weight I have lost, and just how I am looking. They make me feel good. One of my friends even makes her snacks now so I can still enjoy eating snacks with them when we have our "ladies night out". I think that is so considerate! Friends are always there for each other, and know when you need the extra love. We help each other through things.
(4) I worked in an ER with three other great nurses. We recently all took jobs in different hospitals but have managed to make a point to get together 1-2 times a month for dinner. As you can guess, our jobs are very stressful and we all have children and are married. We range in ages from 26-57. I'm thankful that I've found these wonderful girlfriends to share my life stories with. We agree that your job can suck the life out of you but girlfriends are there to breath the life back into you. We all feel re-energized after getting together for laughs, sometimes tears, hugs, and the promise that it won't be long before we see each other again!
(5) My best friend and I grew up together. From the time we were seven years old we lived two houses down from each other. I was nicked named her 'Shadow' because every where she went I went. We are both 39 years old and live on two different coast but we still talk once a month. It's like I still live two houses down from each other. We are still best of friends to this day!
(6) Right now I am so thankful for a girlfriend who has sent gifts, encouraging emails and cards after cards while I recover from an ankle fusion. It has been rough but only her and my sister have stuck with me through it all on a regular basis. Others only ask when they see me out. It means so much to hear from her weekly.
(7) I could not make it through the holidays without my sister, who has been such a friend, and the church secretary, who has listened over and over again to me. I am still recovering from surgery. All I wanted was to be able to make my divinity I make every year for my Mother for Christmas but did not think I would be able to stand and make it. Today I made two batches and was able to send my Mother, who will turn 79 on New Years Day, her divinity for Christmas. This means more than any gift I could get.
My Church Secretary has encouraged me over and over as I've struggled because I could not decorate for the holidays but I am managing to do some goodies. So I don't know what I would have done without these two and another Lady friend of mine who emails and keeps in constant touch.
A person recovering from a surgery and dealing with wheelchairs, walkers, crutches and constant changes needs girlfriends. I also faced a scare of breast cancer in the midst of all this. So I praise God for these three friends.
(8) I am thankful for my girlfriend Sherry because we are identical twins and are so much alike that I can talk to her about anything and she understands. We have been best friends since the womb so we have a bond that can never be broken.
I am also thankful for other dear friends like my friend Sue who I have been friends with since High School. Even though we live far apart we still keep in touch and are there for each other during the bad times as well as the good. Girlfriends truly are a gift that should be treasured. One that is priceless.
(9) I am SO thankful for girlfriends! Without them I wouldn't have the job I do today! My friend Chris and I LOVE to craft. During law school we joked and joked that we would love to create something called Arts and Crafts Law so we could somehow practice law and craft at the same time. Well, law school passed and she went back to work for the government and I went to work for the government and corporations. She NEVER forgot our conversation.
As time passed, I began to meet clients that had a need for my services. So many wonderful and talented artists began to encourage me. I lost my job with my big firm and was devastated. When I called my friend she said "Remember that conversation we had in law school? What is stopping you from finally practicing Arts and Crafts Law? You have created it you know."
Her encouragement (along with my other girlfriends) allowed me to pursue my dream. I am so thankful because girlfriends listen AND REMEMBER!
(10) I love my girlfriends. Each one is totally unique, and yet we're often so much the same. We all have our strong and weak points, and as girlfriends, we encourage and tolerate those points accordingly. Some remember your birthday, and some still love you even if they forget, but no matter what happens we ending up staying girlfriends.
Why do I love my girlfriends? It's simple. It's Girlfriendtelepathy. The ability to communicate and exchange critical messages non-verbally. It's the raised eyebrow and half-smirk that you exchange with her when a cute guy walks in. A wrinkled nose and an eye roll when he says something cheesy.
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So, who do you think has the best girlfriend story? VOTE!!!
Monday, December 31, 2007
What are YOUR girlfriend resolutions for 2008?
It's 11:28pm on Dec. 31. I should be cleaning for our brunch in the morning or helping my husband cut/saute veggies, but I'm not. I'm going public with my '08 goals - which, to be honest, is kinda scary. What if I set goals and don't hit them? What if they go by the wayside and my friends know?
Well, fortunately, my girlfriends understand and trust me to do what is the best thing. Unlike some, they support my dreams and encourage me - even when they don't always understand what I'm doing. Tina, Jill, Lisa, Katie, Julie, Cindy, Paula, Becky, Judy, Dana, Barb, Deana, Rhonda, Laurie ... too many to list. They know me, they trust me and they support me.
If this was my version of "It's a Wonderful Life," it would show what my life would be like without the love, support and encouragement of my girlfriends. I'd ignore my dreams and stay in a job that doesn't thrill me. I'd settle for things and I'd never stretch myself. My life would be in black and white, never living in 'living color' or reaching my potential.
I dream of 2008 as a year of striving for that - for my dreams, my goals, my mission in life. I want to be a better girlfriend - to remember birthdays, give meaningful gifts, to make my girlfriends feel as special as their friendship is to me. I strive to be thoughtful like my friend Terri, giving like Becky and supportive like Tina. I want to be the type of friend that I so appreciate like Barb, learn and laugh with like Jill, that helps their girlfriends like my mentor group of Katie and Lisa.
What would your life be like without your girlfriends? With whom would you share your dreams, fears, stories? How would your life be different? Think about it and you're sure to further strengthen your appreciation of girlfriends!
Thanks to all of you - and thanks to you whom I don't know, but who are friends to others with your support and encouragement. I hope 2008 is a time of friendship, actually 'girlfriendship' - and that your dreams come true. Happy New Year Girlfriends!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
What do you do when the holidays aren't happy for your girlfriends?
I love the holidays. Even though it is a very hectic, crazy time of year, I love the lights, get-togethers with friends, anticipation of a New Year. All this energizes and excites me. Receiving cards from long-time friends, trying to find/make special gifts for friends and family, Christmas Trees, Silent Nights ... to me it is wonderous time of year.
To some of my girlfriends it isn't. One of my girlfriends is having a really rough time. Her husband just lost his job, and in his 60's, they weren't ready to retire. It puts so much strain on her. You can tell it by her eyes, her attitude, her whole composure. Another girlfriend (from college) dropped me a change of address card - because she and her husband are separated. And yet another college girlfriend and her husband are living apart this Christmas and unsure of what 2008 will bring them. Some girlfriends are dealing with cancer, chemo, not feeling their happy, wonderful selves.
I feel for my girlfriends. For the stress that the holidays can bring combined with the uncertainty and, possibly fear, that 2008 won't be so great. I wish I had words and ways to make it all better. I wish I could give them 'hope.'
Dear Friends who are hurting - please know that you are loved, valued, admired, trusted and beautiful. Your friendship is a gift, and for that I am so thankful. I pray that you do find hope - that you appreciate the things that you do have, that you learn through your experiences and feel stronger for having done so. Even if you can't feel happy or healthy, I wish for you a peaceful holiday and a 2008 where you find love, laughter, joy and hope. Thank you for blessing me with your friendship.
Do you have a girlfriend you need to care for? We're here to take care of each other. Reach out and tell them that you love them, that you're there for them and that you'll still be there throughout whatever life brings along. Be a friend. Bring hope. Share love. Peace.
Cheesy, I know. But puppies do bring happiness. Meet our new little one (coming this Saturday) - Meet Brando. Named in honor of our Stella. I wish I could give you all puppies!
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Giving Thanks for the wonderful women who have influenced my life
I've been working with Julie long distance. (She wrote the new "JULIE's Joy" line for Girlfriendology.) In getting to know each other, Julie asked, "So, do you have really good girlfriends? Did they inspire you to start Girlfriendology?"
It made me think about it. I have great girlfriends now but what made me start to really appreciate female friendship so much? My family moved around a lot when I was growing up. Perhaps it was that - we moved frequently and each time I missed my girlfriends.
College came and I met Barb, Shelley, Deana, Dana, Kleta, Rhonda, Laurie and so many other wonderful girlfriends. After college, I met girlfriends through work and life - like Cath, Amy*, another Amy (and her sister Kate), Patty, Terri, Barb, Carole, Katie, Lisa and Angie.
I joined an association of primarily women and met livelong friends like Lisa, Katie, Vicki, Julie, Jill, Tammy and Marie. Penny, Now I have neighbors, walking buddies, dinner club girlfriends and friends from entrepreneurial women's groups and church - Becky, Paula, Tina, Judy, Ruth Sara, Melody, Bridget, Joan, Anne, Karen, Ellen, Colleen, Allison, Amy, Lydia, Joyce and Cindi. And so many others! (Thanks Julie for asking me about my girlfriend inspiration!)
Each of us have similar stories and histories with girlfriends - and for that (for me and for you/all women) I am thankful. Each of these women have influenced me in so many many ways - from values I have to clothes I wear, from my creative hobbies to the books I read, to every aspect of my life. To each of you I say thanks. Thanks for the friendships you've given me and the lessons you've taught me. Thanks for the support and laughter, the shoulders and hands up, for believing in me and making me a better person.
'Tis the season to express your appreciation for all the good things in life - and shouldn't girlfriends be on the top of your list?! Call, write, email, just share with your girlfriends how much their friendship mean to you. And thanks to all the women who taught me about the really important things in life - like girlfriends.
*As I write this, I'm in Minnesota. So many years ago (probably 10 or 11!) my friend Amy invited us to spend Thanksgiving with her boyfriend (now husband) and his family. Well, today we were there again (as we have almost every Thanksgiving since!). Thanks Amy (and Charley - and his wonderful family - Peggy, Bill etc.!). Girlfriends who become family - that is what life is about!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
My girlfriends have changed me for good ...
My college roommate and best friend, Barb (aka: Suzie - the code name for her in a bar if we didn't want to give away her real name!), inspires me with her thoughtfulness. She's a great listener, gift-giver (in fact, she could be up for this Month's Girlfriendology Contest!) and always makes my birthdays, meals together and our conversations special. In true Barb fashion, last week she brought me the soundtrack to Wicked so I could listen to it before seeing the play this past Saturday in Chicago. 
If you haven't seen Wicked yet, I'd highly recommend it. It really is a 'girlfriend story' about Glinda and Elphaba (the Good Witch and the Wicked Witch). They form an unexpected and deep friendship that deals with several twists and turns along the way in Oz. Without ruining it for you, they share a very special song at the end about being friends. It made me cry (both in the car listening to the CD Barb gave me and during the live performance) because it so wonderfully shares the sentiment of girlfriends:
GLINDA
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
I know Barb (and the other girlfriends who bless my life) came into my life for a reason and that because I knew them, I have been changed for good. This being Thanksgiving, it is a perfect time to be thankful for girlfriends. Thanks Barb for your lifelong friendship. Thanks to you for reading. Take time to thank your wonderful female friends for how they've changed your life. And, make an effort to make your girlfriends' lives better by your friendship. Together we're all changed for good.
p.s. Do you have a girlfriend who's changed your life for good? Share about it in our Monthly Girlfriendology Contest or by adding comments to this blog. Inspire others. That's another great benefit of girlfriends!
Friday, November 09, 2007
Remembering a Girlfriend ... Celebrating Anne-Marie
It was a strange week. High and low points hitting on the same day. An emotional roller coaster kind of week. (Thankfully I have my girlfriends to join me on this wild ride called 'life!')
On a high point, it was my birthday and I got lots of calls, cards and attention. I had a fun lunch with my gal pal Becky ("the kitchen goddess" and hopefully the next Food Network Star!). After an art gallery visit, we had a very nice dinner with my roommate from college, Barb, and her husband Steve. There were gifts, quality time with friends and time to celebrate life and friendships. It was a good day. Well sort of ...
Several years ago I decided to have my long hair (below my waist since about second grade) cut off. It was pretty drastic and deserved some support which Anne-Marie and Cath offered. Cath arranged the appointment and went with me. Anne-Marie showed up with a brown paper bag. In it was a party! Wine, cheese, snacks - we had quite an afternoon at the salon! It made it memorable and fun. (And I donated my hair to Locks of Love so it benefited someone else.) I love the memories of that day and smile thinking back to that hair-cutting party in the salon with Anne-Marie and Cath.
As much as my girlfriend Cath didn't want to share the news with me on my birthday, she had to. I wanted to know. Our mutual friend Anne-Marie died on my birthday. Anne-Marie courageously fought Hodgkin's Lymphoma for six years. She was strong, sassy, friendly, funny and so caring.
Cath wins the great girlfriend award for being by her side for the final weeks of her life, as she had for the 18 previous years. She had some amazing conversations with both Anne-Marie and her family. She generously gave her time, love and support. In the end, there are sweet and sad memories to celebrate. But celebrate it is, because she was here to bless many, many lives.
I know with girlfriends, that generally the happy times far exceed the sad but I am thankful for and humbled by the gifts of love that girlfriends give each other. From spending time making something little like a haircut into a party, to holding onto each other during tough times. As shared in the most recent podcast (amazing stories of the winners of the recent Girlfriendology contest), girlfriends have been there for each other through loss of a spouse, moves and financial struggles, illness, etc. As challenging as life is, we really couldn't do it alone. We need our girlfriends.
If it is a birthday or a bad day, be there for your girlfriends. Happy or sad, healthy or not, loved or lonely - girlfriends make it much better. Try it. Share your life with a friend and allow her to share her 'real' life with you too. Hold onto the important things in life ... like the friend who is there for you no matter what. Celebrate your friendships and memories of wonderful people who bless your life. Thanks girlfriends. Thanks Anne-Marie and thanks Cath!
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Girlfriends are GIFTS - just in time for our NEW CONTEST!
My friend Jill, even when dealing with 'stuff,' always can make me laugh. Katie and Lisa, my mastermind buddies, give me great ideas and a new perspective on things. My neighbor Anne is always thoughtful and checks in if we haven't seen each other in a few days. And, my roommate from college Barb, always makes time for me even with a busy family. Each girlfriend is a gift and I am so blessed!
The October Girlfriendology Contest was about special girlfriends and we received several really inspiring stories. (Thanks to all of you!) Since today is November 1, we're off on a New CONTEST and a new way to take your girlfriend out for a Starbucks on Girlfriendology. So, drum roll please ...
NOVEMBER CONTEST: Has a girlfriend ever given you a really special gift? Or, have you had the opportunity or a great creative idea to give your girlfriend something that she really, REALLY appreciated (and that you loved giving)?! Tell us about it!
The holidays are quickly approaching and what better time to think about gifts and girlfriends? We'll share your inspiring stories with each other just in time to give the perfect girlfriend gifts. And, if you're one of five top stories, you'll win a $10 gift certificate for Starbucks to take your girlfriend out for a coffee on Girlfriendology. Also, the top overall story wins a Girlfriendology Journal.
And, as you may know, the October Contest ended with a bang! Seal Press ("groundbreaking books by and for women!) was generous enough to provide five copies of Rosie Molinary's book, "Hijas Americanas: Beauty, Body Image and Growing Up Latina" (featured on our recent podcast) for the next five girlfriends to share a story on their girlfriends.
Another drum roll please! This months winners are:
Our Monthly Contest Winners: Tammy, Carol, Michele, Brooke and Elizabeth* (All receive a $10 Starbucks card to take their girlfriend out for a coffee on Girlfriendology. * Also won the Girlfriendology journal.) Congratulations Girlfriends!
Our Special Prize for entries at the end of the month (they win a free copy of Hijas Americanas): Debbie, Rochelle, Jane, Michele and Brooke.
Want to hear their great girlfriend stories? Listen to our new podcast for their inspiring tales of appreciation of their fabulous female friends. Like the quote from As Good As it Gets, these stories make me want to be a better girlfriend. Thanks to all of you inspiring women!
Send in your story today, then think about it and send in another story tomorrow. What great gift has a girlfriend given you? Her time? Her friendship? A personalized present? A shoulder to cry or a reason to laugh? Share your story. Inspire other women. Then be the girlfriend that shows her female friends how much she appreciates and loves them. Thanks girlfriends!
Monday, October 22, 2007
Connecting with Girlfriends ... no matter the distance, time, changes
I've been MIA this week due to a quick trip to northern WI. Surrounded by beautiful autumn leaves, a calm but chilly Lake Superior and a lot of wildlife (including a wolf that my girlfriend Cara saw!), friends from OH, MI, MN and CO convened to connect after months up to five years of not seeing each other. It was a glorious gathering!
Isn't it funny how you can not see a girlfriend for literally years and you feel like you just saw her yesterday? I feel that way with my girlfriends on the trip, especially Lindy who is a dog lover and felt our pain through losing our sweet golden, Stella, two months ago. We cried together, laughed together, ate a lot together, just enjoyed being in the same room or on the same hiking trail together.
What is it about true friendship that bonds us to each other? Is it our commonalities? Or do we seek diversity and a different point of view? It isn't necessarily our ages - we had a 40 year range in our baker's dozen of friends on this trip and conversations were never limited to regional, age or other demographics. We don't all come from the same backgrounds - two teachers, several creatives, many entrepreneurs and a host of other characteristics. Our interests vary from sports to cultural events, crafts to reading, hiking to dancing. No one would have eHarmony'd us all to be great friends through years of change!
The Nigerian proverb tells us to "Hold a dear friend with both hands." Over time, distance, changes, differences ... friendships, especially between females, deserve to be cherished and celebrated. What a joy to experience beautiful friendships in such breath-taking surroundings. How sweet to walk beside a friend and learn from them, laugh with them, hold their hand and receive love and understanding from them.
Thanks Amy, Kate, Cara, Chondra, Jo, Aimee and Lindy for your love, support and friendship. May we have many more times in the future laughing, crying, sharing and just being ... together.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Not a dating site ... but open to celebrating female friendships!
Recently a few guys have stopped by Girlfriendology. Everyone is welcome, although it primarily is a place for "inspiration, appreciation and celebration of girlfriends." My guess is that they (a) do appreciate the friendships they have with women (one is trying to get back with his wife, so perhaps he found the site helpful in showing her appreciation and being her best friend?), (b) they long to find strong, caring friendships like women often have or (c) are confused and looking for a girlfriend! (Sorry guys! Not here!)
In Kris Radish's podcast last week she mentioned that, although her books
Keeping with our guy theme, my husband gets this girlfriend thing. He sees how much my female friends bless, support, inspire me. He understands why I am pursuing Girlfriendology with a passion for inspiring women all over the world to build, value and celebrate their female friends. (I credit his grasp of the wonderful world of female friendship to being raised by a mom and three sisters!) He even joked that maybe he would start "Boyfriendology" - right!
Shelley Taylor's book, The Tending Instinct
So, men - thanks for joining us at Girlfriendology. Feel free to visit and comment (or buy gifts for your female friends, listen to podcasts, etc.). Everyone is welcome here at Girlfriendology.
All that said ... women, girls, wives, daughters, sisters, best friends, BFFs, girlfriends - you're the inspiration for Girlfriendology and for that I thank you! Today's a great day to make a friend, meet a friend, call a friend, be a friend. Thanks girlfriends!
P.S. Just a girl-friendly reminder ...It is almost half way through October and the first Girlfriendology Contest is bringing in some great stories on girlfriends. Don't miss out! Share a story about your best friend and possibly win coffee at Starbucks with her on Girlfriendology. Not only do you get time together with her, but we'll spotlight the wonderful gift of her friendship on the blog to recognize her. Join in girlfriend!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Do you remember your mother's friends? Did she have great girlfriends?
My recent podcast with Kris Radish included her memories of her own mother and her girlfriends, laughing, smoking, cocktailing together. Even if my mother didn't do that, I now wish she had!
After listening, my girlfriend Colleen (my walking girlfriend with my other friend Allison), wrote me:
By the way, I listened to your podcast with Kris the other day while eating lunch. I really enjoyed it...especially the part when she was talking about her mom and her mom's girlfriends. It reminded me of something that I had not thought of for so long and just made me so happy. My mom died so young and has been gone for 23 years now. Mom and her friends used to sit around our kitchen table laughing so hard and wiping away tears from laughing. I remember as a kid thinking --- What could those old women think is THAT funny? They would laugh and talk for hours. What a hoot.
Thanks Kris for that walk down memory lane that Colleen hadn't taken in years. It really was a blessing to her.
Do you remember your mom and her girlfriends? Did they laugh? Smoke? Sneak cocktails? Bitch about life?!
Be the kind of girlfriend you'd like your daughters to be. Take time for your girlfriends. Show them how important they are to you. Make memories for your daughters that will influence them for life.
Thanks Colleen! Thanks again Kris! Girlfriends deserve thanks, attention and love. Show it!
Girlfriend Groups - do you have one?
I planned not to go to my girlfriend group tonight. My web guy was supposed to meet with me on some updates so I cancelled the group - then he cancelled our meeting. My friend Tina called me right after I got his email, while I was still extremely frustrated with him. (He hasn't been easy to work with! I knew I should have hired a woman!) She was going to our girlfriend group and talked me into going, even if I was late.
What a great thing that was! We laughed, caught up on life, had some wine, shared our lives. All the stress disappeared as the friendships (and laughter) brought me back to the good things in life - girlfriends, good friends, people who love you and whom you love. Life is good. Girlfriends are great.
Do you have a girlfriend group? What is the basis of it - an activity? Something you have in common? A book club or garden group? Croppers or knitters? Spinners or yoga goddesses?! Having a group of women to support you is vital to your happiness, stability, patience with other things in life and your self confidence*.
Thanks Tina for calling and for prompting me to come to our group tonight. (Thanks too to Paula for hosting! Becky for feeding! and Judy for sharing and for listening to and enjoying the Kris Radish podcast!) Let Girlfriendology know about your group. Why is it special to you? What do you recommend in starting a girlfriend group?
If you don't have a girlfriend group, maybe you should start one. Make 'no stress' rules and invite your girlfriends to bring others. I'm sure you'll find them the perfect way to de-stress your day. Share your thoughts on comments or email ideas@girlfriendology.com. And keep meeting. Keep inspiring. Keep appreciating and keep celebrating girlfriends. Life is good. Girlfriends are great. (Thanks Tina - and Paula, Becky and Judy!)
*Join our next podcast for information on how having girlfriends affects your self esteem. Any questions on this subject, please let Girlfriendology know!
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Celebrating life with Girlfriends - it doesn't get any better!
My girlfriend Jill had a good week. Her website launched www.jillmackay.com with her amazing jewelry elements and findings. She found out that her current jewelry designs are selling out in Joann's, Michaels, Wal-mart, etc. - and they want more! And she's going international!!! (She is prolific at creating beautiful beading elements!) It was a good week!
I called her to find out how things went and together we celebrated her successes. Unfortunately we don't live in the same town or state, but that doesn't matter. We shouted joyfully and laughed loudly - it was a full-blown long distance celebration! I couldn't be more happy for her if it were myself. I love when good things happen to my girlfriends!
On Friday I had the opportunity and honor to interview author Kris Radish. My girlfriend Judy loaned me her house while she was out of town to make the call from. (Quiet and close!) My girlfriend Tina called me right before the call to tell me she was praying for me. And, my girlfriends and several Girlfriendology Newsletter subscribers sent in GREAT questions for Kris. (Great questions! I had too many but that was perfect!)
The interview went well. I loved Kris' energy and passion for her girlfriends. I loved the questions girlfriends provided and her inspiring responses. My girlfriend Joyce even wrote me that the podcast inspired her to hold on to and allow her power to make her stronger.
When I got home from my entrepreneurial girlfriends meeting yesterday (another group of inspiring, passionate women!), I had a message from Jill. She had listened to the podcast and was celebrating how well it went. Her friendship, love and joy for me are more than I deserve and I know that I am forever blessed because I know and love her. I called her back and again, for the second time this week, we celebrated together. (Our neighbors probably even heard the celebration!)
Be happy for your friends and their successes. Share their joy and make the moments memorable. Celebrate together. Celebrate the gift of your friendship. Celebrate loudly - locally or long distance. Celebrate girlfriends. It doesn't get any better than that!
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Allison Update - on a glorious summer-fall day
Everyone should be in Cincinnati today. You'd love it here! We finally had some rain this week after months (literally) of no rain. The summer's draught left brown grass, distressed trees and a very poor excuse for a flower garden. Gladly, as the seasons change, those memories fade and all that matters is a perfect cool but sunny day like today.
Allison is enjoying the beauty from her hospital room. She's doing well for all you who have been worrying and praying. Colleen (another walking girlfriend) and I visited her in ICU last night. She looked good, especially for having been through a complete body overhaul. Lee, her husband, said they even got her up to walk last night after we left which is great. She hopes to be moved to a regular room tonight.
So, she's healing. That takes time but it has started and she moves into the next phase of her life. She's not only a 'jock' but also a fighter, so we have plans to keep walking for years and years to come. (And sharing occasional glasses of wine together.)
Enjoy the beauty around you - friends, seasons, trees, home, pets, life. Thanks friends for sharing this amazing day with me.
Friday, September 28, 2007
A Toast to Allison
Today, 13 hours later, I drove away from University Hospital. Not sure what else to to, I stopped at a convenience store and bought some chardonnay. (Wouldn't you?) My girlfriend Allison had surgery today. 12-hour surgery. Scary surgery. Cancer surgery. The kind of day that makes takes you up and pulls you down, that roams from boredom to fear, that makes you question life and just thankful for your girlfriends.
In 2000, we met at a dinner party and she mentioned she was walking a marathon. I was up for that challenge so I called her, signed up for it and we started walking together - for seven years, almost every Saturday except for travel, rain or stupid-cold days. On a normal Saturday we walk five to seven miles to that one Sunday when we did 26.2 miles. I figure we're up to about a thousand miles of walking and a thousand miles of talking. Talking about our lives, husbands, pets, friends, dreams, fears. A thousand miles of sharing mainly laughs and a few tears. Over Labor Day we hung out in NC at her mountain house (aka: the MoHo). Allison, and her husband Lee, are wonderful, forever friends.
Allison, like all girlfriends, is unique, as was her surgery. Actually, it is only performed at four locations in the U.S., seven in the world. Scary stuff, but you don't know my girlfriend Allison. She is (as we lovingly call her!) "a jock" - strong, determined and lives life to the fullest. Knowing the surgery was approaching and working around the chemo, she took advantage of every good day this summer. We'd walk six miles, then she would go to spinning class and golf or kayak later in the day. (See? Jock. We are just envious of her energy and spirit!)
Today was tough. It will be for a while, for the weeks to come. But Allison is a fighter and overall, things went pretty well today. Please keep her in your prayers. Keep all of our sisters who fight this evil cancer in your thoughts.
Learn the important lessons. That life is short and we do need each our girlfriends. Hug them. Share secrets. Walk and talk together. Hug or hold hands. Be. Together.
Love you Allison. Love you girlfriends.
p.s. And, knowing Allison, she'd want me to have some chardonnay. (She once asked her doctor if chardonnay was on the 'clear fluids' list!) I look forward to sharing some with her in the hopefully not-too-distant future.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Humbled, honored, blessed and loved by my Girlfriends
Last September, I bought a new Honda CRV. As soon as I started driving it, I noticed a few others in the neighborhood. Within a week, I saw silver Hondas all over town. It seemed like EVERYONE was driving a silver Honda CRV. I didn't notice it before, but now that I was looking for them, they were (and are) everywhere!
Now that I'm focusing on girlfriends and the benefits, joys and blessings of female friendship, I see examples of great girlfriends everywhere. My friend Penny who came over this morning to watch the women's World Cup Soccer. She shaved her head in solidarity with a friend going through chemo. She is my cheerleader and sister. My lawyer Tammy who sent me such a thoughtful gift recently. Ellen, my former neighbor, who even with a busy life and young sons, makes time to be with me. I could go on and on and on. (Laurie, Dana, Beth Anne, Lisa, Angie, Tina, Jill, Becky ... just a few of the women who have blessed my life this week.)
What I'm learning on this journey of "inspiration, appreciation and celebration of girlfriends," is that we really do need our girlfriends. I learn important lessons from them on a daily basis. And, I'm humbled by the kindness and thoughtfulness of my girlfriends.
To be honest with you, this focus on girlfriends often makes me feel like I'm not a very good one. (But I strive to be!) I should be more generous with my time and resources. I should always find the perfect gift and be there whenever my girlfriends need me. I wish I could anticipate my friends' needs, know when they need closeness or time alone, be able to read their minds and help them through life's bumps and foggy times.
Just because I started Girlfriendology and I 'preach' the wonderful benefits and blessings of girlfriends, it doesn't mean that I have it all together or that I'm the prime example of a perfect friend. But it does mean that I'm learning, I'm growing, I'm striving to be better and that's exactly what my goal is for Girlfriendology. Together we can make the world better, one friendship at a time. We can show our children and men how to care about and love each other. Our female friendships can span continents, cross racial lines, improve our quality (and quantity) of life and turn strangers into sisters.
I don't see as many silver Hondas as I did when my car was new. I don't really look for them and I'm okay with that. I don't ever want to overlook girlfriends - mine and other women's relationships with their female friends. I want to stay focused, to grow by learning about these loyal, loving people who just make life better. And, I want to always inspire, appreciate and celebrate the true blessings of girlfriends.
Thanks Penny, Tammy, Laurie and all my girlfriends. Thanks to you for reading this and caring about your girlfriends. I'd take any of you over a Honda any day!
Girlfriend Contest - Tell your Favorite Girlfriend Story!
Do you have a great story to share on a special girlfriend? Which girlfriend helped you, hugged you or made you laugh - just when you needed it? Who was there for you when you really needed them?
I know from friendships with amazing girlfriends that we need each other. Now I need something from you! Girlfriend Stories. And to thank and encourage you, we're even giving prizes!
Our first contest:When has a girlfriend gone out of her way to make you feel special and loved? What's your favorite girlfriend story?
PRIZES: The top five entries will each receive $10 Starbucks cards - so you can take your girlfriend out for coffee on Girlfriendology. The top story will also receive a Girlfriendology journal.
Please share and check back for the great stories and ideas offered by girlfriends around the globe.
Visit Girlfriendology.com for complete rules and information. Deadline is October 31, 2007 midnight EST. Send entries to contest@girlfriendology.com. Make sure you include your contact info. Thanks Girlfriend!
