Mr. Big, Mom's Girlfriend and Female Friendship

I found the following wonderful story on the Blond & Blithe blog. It is a beautiful, happy, sad story on girlfriends. Thanks Emily for writing it and for granting me permission to feature it here. Check out her blog for more fun, feminine stories and take a lesson from Emily to cherish your time with girlfriends!

Mr. Big to Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte: "You're the loves of her life and a guy's just lucky to come in fourth."

Big, of course, understood, (even if it was ficticious), that a woman's friends are everything to her, especially as we get older and more independent. Sometimes, in some ways, more important than our love relationships with our men. We turn to our friends when things go wrong with our love relationships, our jobs or with other friends. Our girlfriends are our confidants. Only a few friends of mine know EVERYTHING about me-secrets that I would faint over it they became public knowledge-Things I couldn't hold in-but just had to get out. My truest friends are like living, breathing vaults. What I tell them gets stored safely and kept from being revealed. At my age, when I get stressed about things, and just can't take them anymore, calling my mother is not what I prefer. Instead, I think about unloading on my girlfriends because I know they will always listen and won't be parental. We encourage each other to talk, divulge, and lend our shoulders to cry on and in some way, we kind of enjoy it. We are each other's therapist. I love my friends deeply and with all my heart. They know who they are. I look forward to being with them as much as I can, and treat my monthly gatherings like religious events-they're not to be missed. Because being with the girls is important in keeping a woman's soul content. It's necessary for the health of my mind and my well being. Without them I'd be forever lost.

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My mom called me in the middle of the day last Wednesday with a pleading tone in her voice. "Would you please pick me up today and take me to the hospital to see Dorothy-she's taken a turn for the worse, and they don't think she'll make it through the night." Dorothy is my mom's friend of 30 years and she is dying of lung cancer. I knew my mom had no way to get to the hospital on her own, because she has a difficult time seeing when she drives. I had so much to do that day-a doll to make for a Mother's Day order and I was dug in and on a roll and I didn't want to leave because I had a strong desire to finish and get it mailed out. But, more than wanting to finish that doll, I had a knawing feeling that I was the only way my mom would get to see Dorothy while she was still alive and I didn't want to be the reason why she was denied that right, particuliarly since I was basically available and able to do it. I knew this was important to her, so I agreed to take her to the hospital.

While in the car travelling to the hospital, my mom reflected on her years of friendship with Dorothy and, through tears, told me Dorothy is her only girlfriend and she will be so lost without her. My mom is going to be 80 in November and Dorothy just turned 71. My mom kept saying, "I never thought I'd be seeing this day-I thought she would be burying me. Why does God take the good ones?" I really didn't know what to say, so instead, I just lent an ear to her painful memories.

We got to the hospital and didn't know what to expect, because she hadn't seen Dorothy since before she got diagnosed with cancer just before Easter. With trepidation, we entered the room and saw Dorothy lying in the bed, asleep with her mouth wide open and drawn in, and she was beginning the shallow type of breathing called 'chain stoking, which is characteristic of impending death. I recognized it from going through this when my mother-in-law was dying of cancer. They can hear you, all you have to do is go up to them and say their name and they open their eyes for a few seconds and acknowledge you then go back into what seems a semi-coma.

The tears came quickly for my poor mom. She absolutely hated seeing her best friend lying there helpless and ready to die. She just kept saying, "What am I going to do without her? She's my only girlfriend." It tore my heart out listening to her. I imagined the future and being in her shoes. What if it was one of my precious girlfriends lying there dying? I would be absolutely besides myself with grief. My friends are so important to me-now more than ever in my life, I have needed them like a daily dose of vitamins. What is my mom going to do?

I urged her to go by Dorothy's side and talk to her-to let her know she's there and that she should tell her the things she wants her to know before she passes. This was her only chance. She stood there, stunned, tears running down her wrinkled cheeks. All she could do was gently and lovingly rub her friend's arm from elbow to wrist, incapable of saying a word. "Mom," I encourged, "Talk to her. She can hear you."

"Dorothy...it's Ann. I'm here. I love you." Dorothy very briefly awoke, nodded her head and told her, very weakly that she loved her, too. Oh, my God, it was so sad. Tears welled up in my eyes and it was all I could do to keep from crying, but I had to be strong for my mom.

We sat there for a few hours and watched her rest. I sat at the foot of her bed and watched Dorothy's chest rise and fall, and I could see her heart beating through her hospital gown. Her poor heart was working as hard as it could, but soon, very soon, it would beat it's last. Her breaths were distant and long, and I found myself breathing in time with her. I felt short of breath because her breathing rhythm wasn't enough for me to sustain myself comfortably. I imagined if that's what dying felt like. (Trust me. In a quiet room with a dying person, there's not much to do and your imagination can run away with you.) Each breath was followed by the next in what seemed like an eternity. She appeared to be gasping for air because she was only breathing with one lung-the other was full of cancer and wasn't functioning. As she lay there, I got fearful, and kept thinking she was going to die right in front of me. I watched her and thoughts flooded my mind of when she was healthy-she was so funny, and full of life. She and my mom were both career waitresses. Dorothy had just quit working less than a year ago. These women both worked hard their entire lives and had a real commonality. They understood eachother. They confided in eachother, cried together, and shared laughter and joys. It was all about to come to an end.

The nurse came in and asked Dorothy if she wanted her to call her daughter from Pennsylvania, and she slowly nodded her head yes, and said very stongly, "I love her!" I won't ever forget that. I plan on telling her daughter Dianna what she said. I know it will make her feel good.

My mom called me yesterday and told me Dorothy passed at 7am while her priest was praying over her. She died peacefully and with God. Now my mom is friendless and my heart truly aches for her. What is she to do? She's almost 80, and it's probably too late for her to make new friends, at least the the kind with deep bonds of trust that's shared between two women that only comes after a long time of sharing and caring. After 45 years of life together, my mom and I have the same elements of a friendship, hewn from decades of familiarity, and weathering difficult stages of life together, finally popping to the surface in one piece and still loving eachother. We see each other as equals now. I'm still 'the kid' but in some ways, my mom is now seeing me as a confidant - a friend. I find myself turning to her at times of stress. I love her. I enjoy her company. It's time for me to step up to the plate and take her under my wing. My mother needs a friend now and that friend is me.
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Emily - thanks so much for sharing this story with Girlfriendology and for your beautiful, wonderful blog. For your gracious sharing of this story and for the example of friendship that you set, thank you. Your mom, me, you ... we all need girlfriends.

Helping a girlfriend through a transition - Chocolate helps!

My thoughtful girlfriend Jennifer (from my entrepreneurial group in blog below), gave me this wonderful orange daisy chocolate to celebrate my leaving a job and moving forward toward my dreams. (Recognize the flower in the Girlfriendology logo?!) She wasn't the only girlfriend who marked this change in my career and life with a gift or card. My friend Katie (who is so dang thoughtful!) gave me a bottle of wine, some girlfriend gifts, cards and a note that was so sweet - I'll save it forever. My girlfriends Carole, Becky, Barb, Dana and Cath all shared meals with me last week (and bought - you kind, generous girlfriends!).

Even on her girlfriend weekend, my sweet girlfriend Ellen called from FL to ask how my last day was. Numerous emails and calls came from girlfriends near and far to mark this new chapter of my life. Each one showed their support and love - which I do not know what I would do without!

Thanks to all of you! Thanks for your friendship, love and support. And, thanks for being the inspiration for Girlfriendology. We can make the world a better place - one friendship at a time. THANKS GIRLFRIENDS!

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Lessons from two Girlfriends - Coaching through emotional eating and challenges

We learn so much from our girlfriends. When it comes to emotional issues, we learn from the time we're small girls who pattern ourselves after our girlfriends to years when we hold each other up when tough times try to knock us down. From happy days to sad spells, we make it through emotional times with much thanks to, and reliance on, our girlfriends.

Two girlfriends spoke with Girlfriendology in previous podcasts. Each pulled from her life experience and her emotions - especially changes in life and challenging times. Both podcasts have just been re-mixed for better audio - so listen in!

Do you know what to do or say when a girlfriend (or anyone you care about) is going through tough times? How do you respond when your friend is dealing with the loss of a job, family member, marriage? CAROLINE CHESHIRE started a company to help all of us deal with emotional times and friends going through sadness and challenges. Caroline started HealingBaskets.com - an entrepreneurial business built on the perfect words and gifts for friends and family dealing with all kinds of emotional events. We've had great comments from this inspirational interview. Listen in to Caroline and next time you're at a loss for words, look to HealingBaskets.com for some wonderful ideas.

ELLEN SHUMAN is a respected emotional eating expert and coach. (Ellen's been on Oprah, featured in O Magazine and offers free weekly teleseminars on emotional eating.) She spoke with Girlfriendology about the importance of supportive girlfriends through emotional eating disorders. Listen in to our most popular podcast - just re-mixed for better audio.

As women, being emotional at times is part of our DNA - and what makes us very caring, loving, thoughtful friends. Listen in to Caroline and Ellen for ways to handle life when faced with emotions that need the advice of a girlfriend. You'll be glad you did!

TIP TUESDAY #21 - Are you a locavore girlfriend?!

Right there on the front cover of our local weekly publication CityBeat was my old roommate and girlfriend, Valerie. So fun to see a familiar face on this newspaper and very cool to read about her and what's she's up to. Valerie is a 'locavore' - a person committed to eating food grown/produced within a 100 miles. I have so much to learn about this topic and am thrilled to have her blog as a resource to teach me! (See. We learn so much from our girlfriends!)

Sticking with our 'green theme' for April, this week's TIP TUESDAY question is:

Do you notice/shop for locally grown/produced food? What have you learned from that process? (that you can teach us girlfriends!)

I'd love to get your thoughts on how to go green and go local. How can we be a girlfriend to 'Mother Nature.' What's your tip? How can we eat more green and local, girlfriend?!

Meet my girlfriend Jennifer Davis, Dir. of BEADED HOPE

As girlfriends, we often are each other's best 'cheerleaders.' I think this happens because we love our friends unconditionally and we can see all their best traits. Fortunately, through our eyes their beauty, talents and special qualities all shine. And that's a very good thing!

Today we taped a video with my girlfriend JENNIFER DAVIS. Jennifer is the director of BEADED HOPE, an organization that gives women in South Africa a job creating beaded art, then sells it here in the U.S. and returns profits to support an AIDS hospice in Mamelodi, South Africa. (I've had the honor of going to the hospice and it is both impressive and emotionally ovewhelming.)

We'll have the video on this blog and YouTube, etc. later this week so come back and check it out. We taped at girlfriend Wendy's art gallery and coffee shop - RED TREE (a very cool place in Oakley/Cincinnati, OH).

I'm glad you have a chance to meet Jennifer through this message and the upcoming video. She's making the world better one bead (and girlfriend) at a time. I am proud to be a Jennifer 'cheerleader'! What girlfriend do you cheer for? Let her know that you're proud of her and that the world is a better place because of her. She'll no doubt feel the same way about you!

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P.S. Mother's Day is coming (along with Girlfriend birthdays, etc.!) so check out Beaded Hope for gifts. Enter "GOGIRL" into the promotional code and receive a 15% discount. Looking and feeling good simultaneously would have been plenty - but to also give hope, that's something I can definitely cheer about! Thanks Jennifer! Thanks Red Tree!

Springtime and thinking of girlfriendship!

I hope your day is beautiful and that you're enjoying a wonderful Saturday! I wanted to share this double gerbera daisy with you because it did remind me of friendship and, by supporting each other, we can grow strong and bloom.

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This message also was inspired by this week being Earth Day and how we should appreciate the living, growing, inspiring world around us (and keep it that way!). Listen in to DEBRA QUARTERMAIN and her reclaimed life on our latest podcast. She'll inspire you to be thankful for shopping!

Riding a Roller Coaster - with my Girlfriends by my side

It's been a roller coaster week. I won't get into the details, but someone went out of their way to make my life painful. It hurt to be the target of someone I've treated fairly and with respect. It really hurt. It was a lower-than-low, strange, sad, painful experience.

On the upside, I had three get-togethers with girlfriends (some previous close sister-like friends, some new friends of friends who welcomed me into their world with acceptance and support). Every single time I'm surrounded by supportive women, I'm completely humbled and so very thankful. These women graciously offer their ideas, contacts, positive reinforcement that my dream is reachable - and a willingness to help me stretch out farther towards it. I recognize how blessed I am and thankful for the amazing women in my life.

Then, back comes the lowness of others who mistreat and misquote. Wait a bit and it's back up to the summit with amazing women who inspire and support me. The ride continues.

I know this is life. I'm fine with that. It just humbles me when such extreme emotions can be defined in the short course of a week. I, like the little girl in the photo, would be in trouble without the hand of a loving friend to hold onto and the honor of their company through the high and low points of life.

This week makes me want to be a better friend. To be there for my friends during their roller coasters of sadness, doubt, sickness as well as to celebrate with them the achievement of getting through the low points and recognize their efforts when they are riding high on success, strength and well-deserved happiness.

Having a roller coaster week or know a girlfriend who is? Don't be afraid to reach out to your girlfriends - to support them or ask for their assistance in riding out the challenges that we all have to face from time to time. Be there for them and they will be there for you. Thank goodness for Girlfriends!

What is a girlfriend?

Just a normal week, actually, until Friday. On Friday two things happened. But I'll get to that in a minute.

On our little dead-end, tree-lined, built in the 1920's street, we have lots of friends. Anne, Ann and Ann live here. Four babies were brought home last year and Sunny and Dolly are currently pregnant. We have happy hours in the summer and book club throughout the year. Houses are bought and sold. Friendships are made and kept even after moving away. We 'do life' together and feel very blessed for our neighbors.

One of our neighbors, Eula, worked until she was about 82 (five years ago) and brought us cookies, came to our New Year's Day brunch and showed us pictures from when she was a missionary in Africa and went big game hunting to feed a village. Her daughter and son-in-law live on the other side of us so she walked by frequently and always made great conversation. Being such a part of our neighborhood, we were shocked and deeply saddened to find out on Friday that Eula had passed away Friday morning. Our neighborhood will miss this wonderful, kind, loving person.

Also on Friday, my girlfriend Angie, who has been on bed-rest for a couple months, called to tell me that she is being induced this weekend. Baby Madeline will join the world probably today and very hopefully as a small but healthy baby. (Welcome baby Madeline!)

This day of sadness and anticipation stirs the question: 'what is a girlfriend?' I wouldn't say Eula was a typical girlfriend - we never went out to dinner just the two of us or shared shopping tips, etc., but she was definitely a friend to so many of us and her spirit will be missed by knew her. Angie is a girlfriend (and she does have great retail and style advice!) and follow each others lives through jobs and other important life changes.

To me a girlfriend can be many things - from a nice, caring neighbor to a friend I call on a regular basis to laugh with and catch up. Girlfriends are more than just a friend who happens to be female ... a LOT more. Girlfriends have an interest in our lives and cheer us towards our dreams. They laugh, cry, brainstorm, plot, shop, eat with us - whatever our need is for them as a friend. And, girlfriends allow us to be ourselves and they love us for exactly who we are. Each of our girlfriends bless our lives with qualities and lessons that are important and memorable.

Think about YOUR girlfriends. Who is a casual friend who you cherish just knowing, living near or working with? What best friends of yours are always on call to be there for you - in good times and bad? Now think about ... what can you do to bless their day or show them how much they mean to you? AND now ... DO IT! Reach out. Call a friend. Bring her favorite Starbucks drink to a coworker/girlfriend. Send a card or write an email. Show your girlfriends not only how much their friendship means to them but also that you know what it means to be girlfriend. Thanks girlfriends!

Spending time with Girlfriends - like Carrie, from The Diva Cast

At our girlfriend dinner on Wednesday night, my friend Judy stirred and stirred her mixed fruit. She had more pineapple than other fruits and she couldn't mix it enough to make it look, as she said, "interesting". That's kind of how it is with a girlfriend group. You need some diversity, some difference in opinion and age, women with different backgrounds and lifestyles. Combine these together and you definitely get interesting.

Stir up five fun, fabulous, forty-something females from Atlanta, GA and you get not only interesting, but you get life, laughter, love and all kinds of conversations. CARRIE RUNNALS, one of The Diva Cast, spoke with me yesterday for our weekly Girlfriendology Podcast.


The Diva Cast is a podcast with Carrie and her Diva girlfriends Sharon, Suzanne, Julie and Amy. They discuss real life issues like marital counseling and sex, and interview authors and experts on all types of interesting subjects. Listening in is like overhearing a really fun conversation at a nearby table in a restaurant - only this way you're allowed to laugh out loud and share it with your friends!

Carrie shares her passions with Girlfriendology - for her friends (Divas and others), her family and her love of writing and books. Recently she started Words-to-Mouth, a blog and complementary Internet talk show introducing readers to authors beyond the printed page. Even with her busy Diva life (being a mom, wife, writer, investor, Podcast Diva and now with Words-to-Mouth), Carrie graciously spent time with Girlfriendology talking about her girlfriends and living life with passion. Listen in - you'll love listening to Carrie!

So, like that fruit salad, mix up a bunch of your girlfriends together and see how interesting the conversation gets!

P.S. It was great to talk with Carrie because she has become a girlfriend of mine from finding Girlfriendology online and recommending Girlfriendology to friends, mentioning it in interviews, etc. (Thanks Carrie!) She demonstrates to me the beauty of female friendship - where we help each other. Just think how wonderful the world would be if we all supported each other with friendship, ideas, assistance! Go for it!

Helping Girlfriends Heal - New Podcast with Caroline Cheshire

Unfortunately we all know women who are dealing with struggles - divorce, cancer/illness, taking care of aging parents, losing jobs or losing loved ones. I have several girlfriends going through 'stuff' right now - Dana and Allison are both on chemo and dealing with their treatment options, Lisa (aka: LL Cool J) just lost her aunt (and a friend of mine), Beth and her husband have separated ... just look around and there are people hurting and struggling.

As a girlfriend, how can we help? CAROLINE CHESHIRE not only lost her baby several years ago, but she also lost some friends who didn't know how to talk to her after her miscarriage. This, and seeing the difficulty that some people have in supporting their friends and family through trying times, inspired her to start HealingBaskets.com. Her passion for people and helping us help each other during situations like divorce, losing a job, being a care giver, etc. has lead to a web site with great gifts and gift giving recommendations for our friends and family in need. She shares insight into what to say and do (listen!) and even what to NOT say or do. Great girlfriend advice for times when we need a girlfriend to help us do the right thing.

I had the honor of speaking with Caroline (and her beautiful British accent!) for the Girlfriendology Podcast. I was impressed with her thoughtfulness and inspired by her genuine passion for helping us help others. She's a women whose business is about making it a better world, one relationship at a time. (Which is exactly the same goal as Girlfriendology!) Thanks Caroline for sharing and for making us better girlfriends through Healing Baskets! (Tell your girlfriends about www.healingbaskets.com!)

Vote for favorite Girlfriend Story (from Dec. Girlfriendology Contest)

Sure the primaries are starting, but we'll have a whole year of election news. So, here's your opportunity to VOTE for the best Girlfriendology Contest Submission for December! The request was to write in your best girlfriend story. And, for the first time, YOU are invited to vote for the best story!

The top five prize winners will each receive a Starbucks gift card and, the top overall winner will also receive a Girlfriendology Journal. (In addition, in December we had the "Great Girlfriend Gift Giveaway" so 31 books/prizes were given away to 31 women who submitted stories!)

Drum roll please! Please vote on the COMMENTS button below or send an email to ideas@girlfriendology.com. Here are the top 10 entries:

(1) When we moved to our new house we didn’t know anyone in the city. Fortunately we found a house by a very nice woman who made me feel right at home. Janet would bring over food, invite me to dinners with her girlfriends, pick up our mail when we were on vacation, etc. It really made me love the neighborhood because I had such a great friend and neighbor.

(2) I moved a lot growing up and each time was more difficult as I got older and needed girlfriends nearby. When I had to move my senior year of high school to another state, my friend Rachel stayed in touch with me with phone calls and letters. She kept me up to date on all my other friends, what I was missing, what she was up to. I know it was a simple thing but it meant the world to me – that she valued my friendship and that she genuinely missed me. She was a good example of friendship to me.

(3) I am so thankful for my friends because they are so thoughtful. I have started Weight Watchers and they are so very supportive of me. They are always asking how things are going, how much weight I have lost, and just how I am looking. They make me feel good. One of my friends even makes her snacks now so I can still enjoy eating snacks with them when we have our "ladies night out". I think that is so considerate! Friends are always there for each other, and know when you need the extra love. We help each other through things.

(4) I worked in an ER with three other great nurses. We recently all took jobs in different hospitals but have managed to make a point to get together 1-2 times a month for dinner. As you can guess, our jobs are very stressful and we all have children and are married. We range in ages from 26-57. I'm thankful that I've found these wonderful girlfriends to share my life stories with. We agree that your job can suck the life out of you but girlfriends are there to breath the life back into you. We all feel re-energized after getting together for laughs, sometimes tears, hugs, and the promise that it won't be long before we see each other again!

(5) My best friend and I grew up together. From the time we were seven years old we lived two houses down from each other. I was nicked named her 'Shadow' because every where she went I went. We are both 39 years old and live on two different coast but we still talk once a month. It's like I still live two houses down from each other. We are still best of friends to this day!

(6) Right now I am so thankful for a girlfriend who has sent gifts, encouraging emails and cards after cards while I recover from an ankle fusion. It has been rough but only her and my sister have stuck with me through it all on a regular basis. Others only ask when they see me out. It means so much to hear from her weekly.
(7) I could not make it through the holidays without my sister, who has been such a friend, and the church secretary, who has listened over and over again to me. I am still recovering from surgery. All I wanted was to be able to make my divinity I make every year for my Mother for Christmas but did not think I would be able to stand and make it. Today I made two batches and was able to send my Mother, who will turn 79 on New Years Day, her divinity for Christmas. This means more than any gift I could get.

My Church Secretary has encouraged me over and over as I've struggled because I could not decorate for the holidays but I am managing to do some goodies. So I don't know what I would have done without these two and another Lady friend of mine who emails and keeps in constant touch.

A person recovering from a surgery and dealing with wheelchairs, walkers, crutches and constant changes needs girlfriends. I also faced a scare of breast cancer in the midst of all this. So I praise God for these three friends.

(8) I am thankful for my girlfriend Sherry because we are identical twins and are so much alike that I can talk to her about anything and she understands. We have been best friends since the womb so we have a bond that can never be broken.

I am also thankful for other dear friends like my friend Sue who I have been friends with since High School. Even though we live far apart we still keep in touch and are there for each other during the bad times as well as the good. Girlfriends truly are a gift that should be treasured. One that is priceless.

(9) I am SO thankful for girlfriends! Without them I wouldn't have the job I do today! My friend Chris and I LOVE to craft. During law school we joked and joked that we would love to create something called Arts and Crafts Law so we could somehow practice law and craft at the same time. Well, law school passed and she went back to work for the government and I went to work for the government and corporations. She NEVER forgot our conversation.

As time passed, I began to meet clients that had a need for my services. So many wonderful and talented artists began to encourage me. I lost my job with my big firm and was devastated. When I called my friend she said "Remember that conversation we had in law school? What is stopping you from finally practicing Arts and Crafts Law? You have created it you know."

Her encouragement (along with my other girlfriends) allowed me to pursue my dream. I am so thankful because girlfriends listen AND REMEMBER!

(10) I love my girlfriends. Each one is totally unique, and yet we're often so much the same. We all have our strong and weak points, and as girlfriends, we encourage and tolerate those points accordingly. Some remember your birthday, and some still love you even if they forget, but no matter what happens we ending up staying girlfriends.

Why do I love my girlfriends? It's simple. It's Girlfriendtelepathy. The ability to communicate and exchange critical messages non-verbally. It's the raised eyebrow and half-smirk that you exchange with her when a cute guy walks in. A wrinkled nose and an eye roll when he says something cheesy.

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So, who do you think has the best girlfriend story? VOTE!!!

TIP TUESDAY #8 - 2008 Girlfriend "Goals"

Happy 2008 Girlfriends! I hope the holidays were happy and that you enjoyed great times with your family and friends. The festivities and social plans may be over - so hopefully there is time for us all to look ahead to a great '08.

From being an entrepreneur for several years, I recognize the benefits, and need the structure, from goal setting. It helps me focus on the important 'stuff and make sure I commit my time and efforts to what I really want to happen. As I alluded to in the previous post, I also think this is good when it comes to friendship. Not that it is a forced mandate or a cold, clinical approach to what should be a warm, personal relationship. But, it does help to have goals for your time - be it professionally, personally (family and friends), physically (health-wise), etc.

So, this week's TIP TUESDAY question is:

What are your girlfriend goals for 2008? Is there a particular girlfriend you need to focus on to help her or be more of a friend? Do you need to make time for your girlfriends or to meet new friends?

In addition to setting goals as a good way of making changes in our lives, I know that it makes me more accountable if I share them with someone. (That's why I have a couple girlfriend mastermind groups who challenge and encourage each other to reach our goals.) Having a very full schedule and not a lot of cash, I know a realistic goal for me has to be simple, yet heartfelt. I commit to sending Thank You notes to my girlfriends in 2008. I want to be a better friend by acknowledging how much my girlfriends contribute to my life and make sure that I tell them how special they are to me.

What are your goals? Please share and check back in with updates. Girlfriendology is about inspiration, appreciation and celebration of girlfriends. Consider goals of inspiring others, showing your appreciation or going out of your way to celebrate your friendships. 2008 will be great - with your girlfriends by your side!

What are YOUR girlfriend resolutions for 2008?

It's 11:28pm on Dec. 31. I should be cleaning for our brunch in the morning or helping my husband cut/saute veggies, but I'm not. I'm going public with my '08 goals - which, to be honest, is kinda scary. What if I set goals and don't hit them? What if they go by the wayside and my friends know?

Well, fortunately, my girlfriends understand and trust me to do what is the best thing. Unlike some, they support my dreams and encourage me - even when they don't always understand what I'm doing. Tina, Jill, Lisa, Katie, Julie, Cindy, Paula, Becky, Judy, Dana, Barb, Deana, Rhonda, Laurie ... too many to list. They know me, they trust me and they support me.

If this was my version of "It's a Wonderful Life," it would show what my life would be like without the love, support and encouragement of my girlfriends. I'd ignore my dreams and stay in a job that doesn't thrill me. I'd settle for things and I'd never stretch myself. My life would be in black and white, never living in 'living color' or reaching my potential.

I dream of 2008 as a year of striving for that - for my dreams, my goals, my mission in life. I want to be a better girlfriend - to remember birthdays, give meaningful gifts, to make my girlfriends feel as special as their friendship is to me. I strive to be thoughtful like my friend Terri, giving like Becky and supportive like Tina. I want to be the type of friend that I so appreciate like Barb, learn and laugh with like Jill, that helps their girlfriends like my mentor group of Katie and Lisa.

What would your life be like without your girlfriends? With whom would you share your dreams, fears, stories? How would your life be different? Think about it and you're sure to further strengthen your appreciation of girlfriends!

Thanks to all of you - and thanks to you whom I don't know, but who are friends to others with your support and encouragement. I hope 2008 is a time of friendship, actually 'girlfriendship' - and that your dreams come true. Happy New Year Girlfriends!

What do you do when the holidays aren't happy for your girlfriends?

I love the holidays. Even though it is a very hectic, crazy time of year, I love the lights, get-togethers with friends, anticipation of a New Year. All this energizes and excites me. Receiving cards from long-time friends, trying to find/make special gifts for friends and family, Christmas Trees, Silent Nights ... to me it is wonderous time of year.

To some of my girlfriends it isn't. One of my girlfriends is having a really rough time. Her husband just lost his job, and in his 60's, they weren't ready to retire. It puts so much strain on her. You can tell it by her eyes, her attitude, her whole composure. Another girlfriend (from college) dropped me a change of address card - because she and her husband are separated. And yet another college girlfriend and her husband are living apart this Christmas and unsure of what 2008 will bring them. Some girlfriends are dealing with cancer, chemo, not feeling their happy, wonderful selves.

I feel for my girlfriends. For the stress that the holidays can bring combined with the uncertainty and, possibly fear, that 2008 won't be so great. I wish I had words and ways to make it all better. I wish I could give them 'hope.'

Dear Friends who are hurting - please know that you are loved, valued, admired, trusted and beautiful. Your friendship is a gift, and for that I am so thankful. I pray that you do find hope - that you appreciate the things that you do have, that you learn through your experiences and feel stronger for having done so. Even if you can't feel happy or healthy, I wish for you a peaceful holiday and a 2008 where you find love, laughter, joy and hope. Thank you for blessing me with your friendship.

Do you have a girlfriend you need to care for? We're here to take care of each other. Reach out and tell them that you love them, that you're there for them and that you'll still be there throughout whatever life brings along. Be a friend. Bring hope. Share love. Peace.

Cheesy, I know. But puppies do bring happiness. Meet our new little one (coming this Saturday) - Meet Brando. Named in honor of our Stella. I wish I could give you all puppies!

New Girlfriendology Podcast impacts you or one of your girlfriends!

I was amazed at the facts. 5-10% of young girls/women in the U.S. are challenged by food disorders. 3.5% of women struggle with Binge Eating Disorder. And a whole bunch of us deal with body image, self esteem and emotional eating. We need help - right?

Well, fortunately one of my girlfriends is ELLEN SHUMAN. She is the Director of the Acoria Eating Disorder Treatment Programs and A Weigh Out Life Coaching. She coaches clients from around the world, via phone, on emotional eating issues. Ellen has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show and one of her coaching clients was featured in this past August’s issue of O Magazine in an article entitled “Stuffed.”

Ellen helped us see that, as girlfriends, we can and HAVE TO shift the diet and size-ism paradigm to a "healthy at any size" attitude. Listen to our podcast for the full information and check out Ellen's web site www.aweighout.com. She also offers regular free teleconferences on emotional eating (see her web site for info).

Girlfriends do make a difference in many, many lives. Share this podcast and Ellen's site with your girlfriends. Also, don't let the media impact our self esteem or body image. You love your girlfriend regardless of a number, right? Good! (Thanks Ellen - that was really fun!)

Giving Thanks for the wonderful women who have influenced my life

I've been working with Julie long distance. (She wrote the new "JULIE's Joy" line for Girlfriendology.) In getting to know each other, Julie asked, "So, do you have really good girlfriends? Did they inspire you to start Girlfriendology?"

It made me think about it. I have great girlfriends now but what made me start to really appreciate female friendship so much? My family moved around a lot when I was growing up. Perhaps it was that - we moved frequently and each time I missed my girlfriends.

College came and I met Barb, Shelley, Deana, Dana, Kleta, Rhonda, Laurie and so many other wonderful girlfriends. After college, I met girlfriends through work and life - like Cath, Amy*, another Amy (and her sister Kate), Patty, Terri, Barb, Carole, Katie, Lisa and Angie.

I joined an association of primarily women and met livelong friends like Lisa, Katie, Vicki, Julie, Jill, Tammy and Marie. Penny, Now I have neighbors, walking buddies, dinner club girlfriends and friends from entrepreneurial women's groups and church - Becky, Paula, Tina, Judy, Ruth Sara, Melody, Bridget, Joan, Anne, Karen, Ellen, Colleen, Allison, Amy, Lydia, Joyce and Cindi. And so many others! (Thanks Julie for asking me about my girlfriend inspiration!)

Each of us have similar stories and histories with girlfriends - and for that (for me and for you/all women) I am thankful. Each of these women have influenced me in so many many ways - from values I have to clothes I wear, from my creative hobbies to the books I read, to every aspect of my life. To each of you I say thanks. Thanks for the friendships you've given me and the lessons you've taught me. Thanks for the support and laughter, the shoulders and hands up, for believing in me and making me a better person.

'Tis the season to express your appreciation for all the good things in life - and shouldn't girlfriends be on the top of your list?! Call, write, email, just share with your girlfriends how much their friendship mean to you. And thanks to all the women who taught me about the really important things in life - like girlfriends.

*As I write this, I'm in Minnesota. So many years ago (probably 10 or 11!) my friend Amy invited us to spend Thanksgiving with her boyfriend (now husband) and his family. Well, today we were there again (as we have almost every Thanksgiving since!). Thanks Amy (and Charley - and his wonderful family - Peggy, Bill etc.!). Girlfriends who become family - that is what life is about!

My girlfriends have changed me for good ...

My college roommate and best friend, Barb (aka: Suzie - the code name for her in a bar if we didn't want to give away her real name!), inspires me with her thoughtfulness. She's a great listener, gift-giver (in fact, she could be up for this Month's Girlfriendology Contest!) and always makes my birthdays, meals together and our conversations special. In true Barb fashion, last week she brought me the soundtrack to Wicked so I could listen to it before seeing the play this past Saturday in Chicago.

If you haven't seen Wicked yet, I'd highly recommend it. It really is a 'girlfriend story' about Glinda and Elphaba (the Good Witch and the Wicked Witch). They form an unexpected and deep friendship that deals with several twists and turns along the way in Oz. Without ruining it for you, they share a very special song at the end about being friends. It made me cry (both in the car listening to the CD Barb gave me and during the live performance) because it so wonderfully shares the sentiment of girlfriends:

GLINDA
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

I know Barb (and the other girlfriends who bless my life) came into my life for a reason and that because I knew them, I have been changed for good. This being Thanksgiving, it is a perfect time to be thankful for girlfriends. Thanks Barb for your lifelong friendship. Thanks to you for reading. Take time to thank your wonderful female friends for how they've changed your life. And, make an effort to make your girlfriends' lives better by your friendship. Together we're all changed for good.

p.s. Do you have a girlfriend who's changed your life for good? Share about it in our Monthly Girlfriendology Contest or by adding comments to this blog. Inspire others. That's another great benefit of girlfriends!

Remembering a Girlfriend ... Celebrating Anne-Marie

It was a strange week. High and low points hitting on the same day. An emotional roller coaster kind of week. (Thankfully I have my girlfriends to join me on this wild ride called 'life!')

On a high point, it was my birthday and I got lots of calls, cards and attention. I had a fun lunch with my gal pal Becky ("the kitchen goddess" and hopefully the next Food Network Star!). After an art gallery visit, we had a very nice dinner with my roommate from college, Barb, and her husband Steve. There were gifts, quality time with friends and time to celebrate life and friendships. It was a good day. Well sort of ...

Several years ago I decided to have my long hair (below my waist since about second grade) cut off. It was pretty drastic and deserved some support which Anne-Marie and Cath offered. Cath arranged the appointment and went with me. Anne-Marie showed up with a brown paper bag. In it was a party! Wine, cheese, snacks - we had quite an afternoon at the salon! It made it memorable and fun. (And I donated my hair to Locks of Love so it benefited someone else.) I love the memories of that day and smile thinking back to that hair-cutting party in the salon with Anne-Marie and Cath.

As much as my girlfriend Cath didn't want to share the news with me on my birthday, she had to. I wanted to know. Our mutual friend Anne-Marie died on my birthday. Anne-Marie courageously fought Hodgkin's Lymphoma for six years. She was strong, sassy, friendly, funny and so caring.

Cath wins the great girlfriend award for being by her side for the final weeks of her life, as she had for the 18 previous years. She had some amazing conversations with both Anne-Marie and her family. She generously gave her time, love and support. In the end, there are sweet and sad memories to celebrate. But celebrate it is, because she was here to bless many, many lives.

I know with girlfriends, that generally the happy times far exceed the sad but I am thankful for and humbled by the gifts of love that girlfriends give each other. From spending time making something little like a haircut into a party, to holding onto each other during tough times. As shared in the most recent podcast (amazing stories of the winners of the recent Girlfriendology contest), girlfriends have been there for each other through loss of a spouse, moves and financial struggles, illness, etc. As challenging as life is, we really couldn't do it alone. We need our girlfriends.

If it is a birthday or a bad day, be there for your girlfriends. Happy or sad, healthy or not, loved or lonely - girlfriends make it much better. Try it. Share your life with a friend and allow her to share her 'real' life with you too. Hold onto the important things in life ... like the friend who is there for you no matter what. Celebrate your friendships and memories of wonderful people who bless your life. Thanks girlfriends. Thanks Anne-Marie and thanks Cath!

Oprah's advice on Girlfriends, events, etc.

Across the couch from Oprah yesterday, she shared her thoughts for Girlfriendology and great ideas for girlfriend trips, events, website options, etc. I loved how she 'gets' Girlfriendology and how important it is for girlfriends to spend time together, support and encourage each other and celebrate our friendships.

No, I wasn't dreaming. I was just at a Halloween party and my friend Ellen was dressed as our favorite TV show host. Ellen, who actually has been on Oprah and was recently featured in O magazine (the issue shown above) for her emotional-eating coaching business, does share Oprah's commitment to the value of female friendships. We all know about Oprah and her best friend, Gayle. I know that Oprah and Gayle 'get' girlfriendology too. (I'll just patiently wait for the call from Harpo Productions, but it will come!)

At the party Ellen, Lydia, Colleen and Amy all asked about how things are going for Girlfriendology. I shared how the podcasts and web/blog traffic are growing and some of the exciting things that are coming. Then, out of their wonderful, caring friendships, they all offered ideas and support. I love when women 'get it' and are so supportive. It felt like being wrapped in hugs. Very comforting and warm on a chilly Fall evening.

Thanks Oprah (Ellen), Annie Oakley (Lydia), Maxwell Smart (Amy) and Shopping Charge Card (Colleen) for caring and sharing. I look forward to a lot of great ideas in '08 and having you along side as we adventure toward all of our dreams!

Real women, real clothes, real beauty, real girlfriends!

Rosie Molinary discussed (in our recent podcast) how women can build into each other and, through supporting and loving each other (unconditionally), we build our self esteem and self confidence. And, through doing this, we become better people - more caring health professionals, involved teachers, better partners and supporters of our community. We hold that power within us to reach our goals, dream BIG dreams and change the world - even if it is (like the Girlfriendology goal of improving the world:) one friendship at a time.

Sunday I attended the open house of my friend's new business. She is passionately pursuing her dream of designing and providing 'real clothes for real women.' With 25 years of apparel industry experience, she has put everything into making this dream a reality. Actually, a reality PLUS. Beth Anne (my dear friend) has started a business called RealityPlus - designer clothing for plus size women. (Check it out! Beautiful clothes and designed to fit real women and make you feel beautiful! Please tell your girlfriends about it.Isn't this jacket stunning?!)

Today at lunch we celebrated the initial response to her line and her plans to grow. We talked about the goal of her company - not only to make women feel good about themselves but also to support organizations to help others locally, nationally and internationally. She is passionate and caring - about those that she knows and loves and those she'll never even meet.

I told her about Rosie's lessons on beauty from our interview. Funny how these two women who have never met, share the same principles and passions for helping women better their lives through self esteem and confidence, through acceptance and community.

Beth Anne and Rosie inspire me - and I hope they inspire you. As Rosie said, "Support your girlfriends - give compliments, help them see their beauty, celebrate their successes with them." Thanks Rosie and Beth Anne. I think you just inspired other women to follow in your foot steps of following your dreams and making the world a better place!